I’ve had a good run at maternity leave. I’ve gotten used to my baby and I’ve learned innumerable skills such as:

Changing nappies while simultaneously dropping a clean trash bag into the diaper pail

Breastfeeding Mr. Cheeks while stealthily playing iPhone Scrabble

Steering a stroller, one-handed through the mouse-sized aisles of Zabar’s

And just when I’ve got the hang of this whole baby thing, the calendar tells me it’s time to go back to work. Which it is. Really. The question is: Am I ready?

Mentally? Yes, I’m ready. But in the long afternoon hours of motherhood, it’s possible I may not be as sharp as I once was. My husband has tried to ready me for the tidal wave that’ll hit me on my return to the workplace. As in —

“Francesca, do you know where you put X?” OR “Francesca, did you remember to do Y?” OR “Francesca, do you recall the address of Z?” And the answer is inevitably, “Um….”

It’s true, I’m a bit slow on the old uptake and I have a tendency toward forgetfulness that’s worse than ever, but I figure once I get back into the swing of things, my brain cells will rise to the occasion.

Last week they were put to the test. I did two dry runs in the office: full work days blocked with meetings and a touch of editing.

It was like the first day of school. I checked out the ladies’ rooms on three different floors. I learned to navigate the staircases flitting from floor to floor: 7, 6, 5, 4. I wandered through the sea of desks in the newsroom. I inspected the cafeteria and learned how the card system worked. I zipped down (or was it up?) to the mother’s room. I visited HR. I stopped in at the general reception on 7. I zinged up and down in the elevators. I shot back and forth from my desk to the central coffee station. I was like Eloise on her first day of work (if she had worked). Skedaddle here; Skedaddle there.

And it was all good, until (oh you knew this was coming…) I realized I had misplaced my iPhone. Whatever claims I might have made about being oh-so-ready and oh-so-on-top-of-things, well, this gave me pause.

I needed to retrace my steps. But where to begin? And which floor?

Half an hour later and empty-handed, I returned to my desk. I looked over to the reporter to my right: “You haven’t seen an iPhone have you?” Well, as a matter of fact, he had just received an email sent company-wide announcing an iPhone discovered in the ladies room on 6. The owner would need to identify the animal on the “cute little boy’s shirt.”

Well, folks, the animal was a sheep.

Tags: Maternity Leave, Work