August doesn’t like the gym. And August doesn’t like gymnastics.

No, that’s really too mild for how he feels about it. August hates the gym and August despises gymnastics.

He’s a child who doesn’t cry too much without good reason and he’s still whimpering over the gym experience.

Here’s what happened: I took him to class at a gym for babies. We made our way down a foreboding corridor and into a rickety too-small-for-a-stroller elevator and up to the second floor. In retrospect, all the signs were there, urging us to turn back.

We checked in. I was skeptical at best. I was never one for the ropes or the hoops or the monkey bars or the scratchy shorts and dorky gym slippers we had to wear in school — ugh. But I wasn’t going to let my own loathing of gym creep into his psyche. Who would I be to hold him back?

So in we marched with purposeful confidence. Class had started; we were late. August and I surveyed the gymnasium: big plastic mats in primary reds and blues and yellows; parallel bars; crash pads; balls and bouncy benches. “Here we are, Augie!” Did he detect the uncertainty in my voice? Was it my imagination, or did he shrink back?

We jigged and danced to warm up. We experimented with hoisting baby over the head in a tipsy somersault. August vomited milk down his front. I found my eyes veering toward the clock. Fifteen minutes had gone by. Was that all?

We bounced about on the equipment and looked at the impossible bars and did clunky rollovers down an inflatable mat. Finally, August turned looked me dead in the eye: “Mummy, what is this place?” I gulped. He tried to be brave. And the second hand moved slower and slower until each minute became an eternity. Oh my heavens, it was just like the gym classes of yore. Gym is gym, I suppose.

Seeing eye to eye, we began to plot our escape. Sneaky baby and his mum on the run! We were the first ones out. Down in the elevator, along the corridor and into the fresh air. Whew, it had been a close call.

And really, that makes August a child after my own heart. I think we’ll just stick with baby yoga.