I remember reading an article in Glamour about all the ways your body is not the same after you’ve had a baby. I’ll be honest: It was depressing and desperately worrying at the time. But that was years ago, when I still cared about thigh circumference and size zero trousers.

Now, when I look at photos of myself with child (say the above, taken the weekend before August was born) I am shocked, shocked by the sheer girth of my mega belly. He was big when he was born, but was he that big? (Answer: no. He was 8 lbs; 8 oz.)

Rest assured, I no longer look like the tank in the white tank top above, but I don’t really look like my previous self either. I’m some sort of momma-hybrid: lumpy, bumpy, curvy and soft. In other words, Glamour was right.

NEVERTHELESS —

This morning, I opened the trunk into which I had packed all my “slim clothes” and pulled out a  pair of normal-person corduroys (read: trousers with a button and zip fly and no maternity panel).

I’ve been wearing my maternity trousers up to this point and while they are great fun when there’s a baby inside, the novelty wears off fairly quickly once said child is born. Besides which, the stretchy belly panel is becoming somewhat loose causing the pants to sag and bag and on occasion slide all the way down. And trust me, it’s never as hard to hike up your trousers as when you’re juggling a baby.

So…. as I said, I opened the trunk and took out the corduroys and slipped them on and … buttoned them! The effect was far from pretty, but hey, they fit. Sort of.

And then I took them off. Because while technically they did fit, they didn’t really fit.

Which means, I’m woefully out of trousers. (I’m back in the maternity pants for the record.)

Someone needs to invent Post-Partum Pants. Maybe me. It’s a perfect small business concept for a new mum.

Back to Baby Augie.

Tags: Maternity Clothes